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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24727852">Even if I can't feel you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/megyal/pseuds/megyal'>megyal</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:01:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,378</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24727852</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/megyal/pseuds/megyal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Maybe the heavens would split and the golden sunlight would spill over the happy couple as they walked slowly to each other, arms and hearts and chakra reaching out.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <em>It wasn't like that at all.</em></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>447</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>KakaIru Mini Bang 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Even if I can't feel you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I think this is the first full thing I've written in a long time due to a physical ailment and depression. Anyway, I want to thank my cheerleader and beta-reader txilar for her unwavering support and the mods of the KakaIru Mini Bang for putting on this great fest!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iruka discovered his chakra-match when he was almost eighteen. At that age, he was still mostly full of a wild brand of self-deprecation, expressed in fitful moments of very minor pranks between completion of simple missions. He hadn't executed any Extreme Prank for about three years, much to the relief of the Sandaime and ANBU....and the deep disappointment of T&amp;I, which had always expressed a very healthy interest in what Iruka's mind came up with.</p><p>All the romance novels that Iruka loved to read (the Sandaime had a nice collection in a hidden panel on his desk. Iruka had found it after a solid hour of careful tapping on every single surface when the Hokage had been called away for a council meeting) had been fairly clear in pointing out how it would be when a person found their chakra-mate: their eyes would meet; their chakra would sing, immediately tuned to the other. Maybe the heavens would split and the golden sunlight would spill over the happy couple as they walked slowly to each other, arms and hearts and chakra reaching out.</p><p>It wasn't like that at all. First of all, Iruka's chakra didn't sing. It twitched and then pinged, almost like when he was practicing his sonar. The sensation began at his head and then shivered all the way down to his feet. It then lurched violently to one side, so much so that Iruka stumbled as he walked with his team-mates towards the Mission Desk, whirling around as they snickered at his apparent clumsiness. Across the street, a figure slouched against a wall, face obscured by a mask. A shinobi who showed no indication that his chakra flared towards Iruka's. Iruka felt it more than saw it, a wave of energy that bound towards him, like an eager puppy. </p><p>The man did not react the way his own chakra did. He only seemed to pay attention to the fact that Iruka stared at him from across the street. He lifted his head and raised one dark eyebrow, a bored expression that was completely at odds with the way his chakra crooned at Iruka's, coiling happily with his.</p><p>Iruka hesitated. The man gave him a very long look from one eye, since the other was covered by his hitai-aite, and then...turned away. He walked off, his chakra rudely tugged away from Iruka's. It didn't hurt, but Iruka still stifled a gasp. He was so surprised that he didn't chase after the man immediately, fixed in place by his shock and disappointment. </p><p>What was going on with his chakra-mate? Did...did he not <em>know</em>?</p><p>Iruka took a deep breath and then stomped after him.</p>
<hr/><p>Kakashi sat still under Tsunade-sama's attention. Her hands hovered a few inches on either side of his face, warmth flowing from the top of his head to about midway his chest. He could see the shimmer of energy she generated, a gold-tinged veil. It was only a little uncomfortable, heavy against his chakra but he'd experienced far worse than this.</p><p>"I wish I could have met her," Tsunade-sama said, finally ending the scan she had been doing on his head. "Her work is impeccable."</p><p>"It is," Kakashi agreed, smiling beneath his mask. The memory of Rin did not sting so hard these days. </p><p>Tsunade-sama sighed and hesitated only very slightly before she powered on: "The way she connected the Sharingan to your optic nerves, it takes up a lot of space in a particular pathway in your brain. It interrupts your chakra flow, just a little."</p><p>Kakashi hummed, simply waiting on the confirmation on what he already suspected. </p><p>"So, this interruption blocks that ability to detect your chakra-mate," she said. "You're essentially blind to them, as long as you have that eye in."</p><p>"Ah well." Kakashi got to his feet and brushed imaginary specks of dust from the front of his flak-jacket. "Not bonding with a chakra-mate won't kill me, right?"</p><p>"You're more likely to be killed on the field." Tsunade-sama went over to her desk and picked up a pen to make some jottings into Kakashi's medical file. Even from where he was seated, he sensed the prickling of the seals which covered the thick folder. "But bonding with your mate would definitely boost your chakra."</p><p>Kakashi didn't feel the need to point out that if he didn't find that person, or wasn't able to even <em>see</em> them, then the bonding part was certainly the least of his problems. "But I'm fine just the way I am."</p><p>"Your potassium levels are a bit low," she countered, scowling. "So let's get that adjusted before your next mission."</p><p>Kakashi sketched the laziest salute he could muster and sauntered out of the examination room. He was grateful that the Hokage took time out of her busy schedule to do his physical; at least she didn't rant for too long at him like some of the other senior medi-nins.</p><p>When he entered his apartment, he caught Iruka in the middle of setting up a prank.</p><p>"Oh. Hello, there." Iruka blinked at him with all the innocence he could muster, even as he held Kakashi's bed to the ceiling and stuck it there with a little of his chakra. "You're home early."</p><p>"Yes." Kakashi eyed the other pieces of furniture which had already been affixed to the ceiling. The small bookshelf had been placed right in front of the door to his little bathroom. "How old are we again?"</p><p>"What does age have to do with good old fun, Kakashi-san?" Iruka asked and then vaulted out of Kakashi's window. Kakashi could hear his wild cackling as he raced down the narrow street, and rolled his eye. If his students could hear and see him now, they wouldn't believe the behavior of their normally calm sensei. Iruka liked to play at least one prank a year on Kakashi, and now that the Academy was on a week's break and they were scheduled for a mission in a few days, he was apparently getting one out of his system.</p><p>How were they even friends, Kakashi didn't know. Iruka had approached him quite a few years ago after he had dragged himself out of the hospital, trudging down the road to his apartment. </p><p>Iruka had stopped him with a quick touch to his arm. He looked at him so closely and for such a long time that Kakashi had wearily wondered if he still had blood on his face. Then, he'd nodded very slowly and said, "I'll walk you home."</p><p><em>I'm Sharingan no Kakashi, I think I can make it</em>, he'd wanted to say, astounded by the forwardness of this man. People just didn't approach <em>him</em>. He was, according to Gai, Unapproachable. Unassailable. Too Cool for School. However, he hadn't had the energy and he knew this pushy chuunin from around the village. He'd even heard Ibiki go on about his stealth and task execution ("I have never laughed so hard as the time when he pasted drawings of the Interrogation team to the toilet seats," Ibiki had said once with a very flat expression and even flatter tone). </p><p>Iruka had continued to walk with him, talking about weird things until they'd gotten to Kakashi's block, before kind of petting Kakashi on the shoulder and walking off with a bright wave. He was kind of silly, Kakashi opined, but it wasn't annoying, not in the least. Sometimes he would pass by the Academy and watch Iruka teach, and there was no sign of the bubbly friend who once laughed so hard when they were at lunch that he'd choked on a mouthful of noodles and Gai had tried to save him. For a person with poetic levels of gracefulness during any skirmish, Gai had managed to turn over their table and the one just beside theirs in his attempts to help Iruka. Food had ended up in Kakashi's lap, and Iruka simply lay on the floor and warbled through noodles and more laughter.</p><p>That...that had been a good day, actually. He had just returned from a particularly brutal mission and was holed up in his apartment until Iruka broke in through the bathroom window and dragged him outside. Kakashi didn't know why Iruka was morally opposed to his door, even though he had given him an actual key, but as the afternoon sunlight trickled over his face, he felt something other than that internal blankness. He really liked Iruka. Despite the tendency towards ear-splitting loudness, he felt comfortable around Iruka. Safe.</p><p>However, as soon as he detached all his furniture from the ceiling, he was going to put all his energy into tracking a mischievous chuunin and maybe throttling him, just a little.</p>
<hr/><p>The mission went, as the kids say, to absolute hell.</p><p>"He's so strong," Iruka said as they crouched behind a large rock, listening to the destruction in the small compound. Iruka turned and spat blood onto the dusty ground, then gave Kakashi a pained grimace. "He really is force-bonded to more than one person."</p><p>Kakashi felt something tighten in his chest. A chakra-match could be forced, and directed one way. Chakra-matches shouldn't work in such a manner, but humans had a funny way of bending things to their will; this human, the leader of a small cult according to the reports, had apparently force-bonded with quite a few of his followers, boosting his chakra stores massively. </p><p>"We just have to keep distracting him while Akemi disconnects those bonds," Kakashi reminded his friend, words falling out breathlessly. A bond to someone (or many someones) who was not a person's actual chakra-mate was quite powerful but extremely unstable. Akemi and Goro were hopefully now breaking into one of the cult's strongholds so that Akemi could wield her sharply swift skills. All the rest of the team had to do was hold the attention of the leader and his guards.</p><p>There was a loud crash and some strangled shouts, and then Gai landed atop their rock in a crouch.</p><p>"Took out four more," he reported, head tilted towards their position even as his gaze was fixed on their opponents. "Iruka, there are three heading back towards the stronghold."</p><p>"Got it." Even in the brisk sunlight, Iruka's form shimmered and then disappeared, off to wreak havoc in a way that had half of T&amp;I dealing with a raging crush. Kakashi inhaled deeply and blinked both eyes. There was a deep gash over his left eyebrow, so he was seeing red in more than one way.</p><p>"Kakashi," Gai said, a tight query.</p><p>"I have about ten more minutes," Kakashi replied and the Sharingan throbbed in his socket, as if contradicting his statement. Gai nodded.</p><p>"Do what you can," he said before he launched himself back into the fray, and Kakashi forced himself up and around the boulder, kunai in both hands. The Sharingan spread loud warnings along his nerve endings but he <em>said</em> ten minutes; by the First, he was doing to give his all in that time.</p><p>The leader released waves of energy from skeletal palms and Kakashi ducked under the first ripples, kicking a few of the cult's militia in the chest before rounding on another of the group. He was just a beat too slow: a crackling wave caught him on his left shoulder, and he toppled right into another.</p><p>The Sharingan shut down. Shit. He could see <em>nothing</em> out of that eye. He set his jaw as about five or six of the enemy rushed towards him, but Kakashi took them down easily. He couldn't detect any lack in his chakra-stores, but that was probably because the Sharingan was simply <em>off</em> right now. Some fool tossed an entire tree at him and he dropped onto his back. It flew over his head in a rush of leaves, bark and dirt.</p><p>The leader, a human made almost like a tailed beast with the amount of stolen chakra coursing in his system, stared at Kakashi with bulging, reddened eyes, veins pulsing all over chalky skin. He rampaged over towards Kakashi's position and then staggered, going down to one knee.</p><p>Iruka shimmered into view, sitting astride the man's shoulders like a delighted monkey. He grasped the leader's ears like reins and wrenched violently to one side. The leader convulsed as he tried to throw Iruka off, signs of Akemi's careful and swift breaking of the forced bonds. </p><p>...but Iruka's chakra. It blazed up around him like a bright banner, an inferno of energy that reached out to Kakashi's, wrapped tight. Where his chakra ended, Iruka's begun. He had sensed chakra before, it was easy to pick it up from people and animals and beasts... but he had never felt like it like this.</p><p>Something his chest went <em>finally.</em></p><p>Iruka launched himself off the leader's back, who sank to both knees this time, bellowing as the rest of the stolen chakra bled away from him. He landed beside Kakashi, watching with an air of satisfaction as Konoha's Sublime Green Beast of Prey began a terrain-altering final attack. </p><p>Kakashi stared at the side of his face, just enjoying the sensation of Iruka's chakra with his. When his Sharingan switched back on (and it would probably do so soon, he could already feel a slight twinge deep in the socket of his eye), he wouldn't be able to sense it this way...but it was <em>there</em>. He felt a lightness bubbling through his whole body.</p><p>Gai and Akemi were in the middle of restraining the cult leader and his guards, while Goro led squinting captives from the other side of the compound. A few clutched at each other, crying. One slender woman held Goro's big, scarred hand, eyes big in her head. </p><p>"It's you," he said and Iruka, who had been rising from his crouch to help the others, turned to give him a quizzical look. His expression melted into a strange combination of alarm and hope.</p><p>"I--" Iruka croaked and then licked his lips. "I didn't want to...want to force it. You didn't see me--"</p><p>"I'm sorry. I can see you now." Kakashi took his hand. "It won't last long...but it's still <em>you</em>."</p><p>Iruka's hand trembled in his, then stilled. He squeezed Kakashi's fingers.</p><p>"Yes. It's me."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I love Iruka like a lot. I'm on Tumblr mostly (<a href="https://penmaries.tumblr.com/">penmaries</a>, and the fanfic tumblr is <a href="https://megyalwrites.tumblr.com/">megyalwrites</a> but I'm pretty lowkey on social media these days. Honestly I'm just boring). I also really appreciate your comments, so please let me know what you think! I will try my best to respond, but if I don't, please know that I'm very happy you took the time to read.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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